We've reached groundhog day

I'm having a hard time beginning my blog today.  Today seemed like groundhog day (just like the rest).  I think part of it is just that I am so ready to have our girlie with us in a place where we can just start learning about each other without feeling like we are being watched and evaluated.  I don't mean to insinuate that the foster family is not nice because nothing could be farther from the truth.  They are amazing people!  But still, I wonder what they think when I cuddle J.  She has been their little one for 4 years and now these new people have shown up and are going to take her away.  I am sure that God planned this, but still, I feel tremendous guilt.  (I'm just getting homesick.  I know that all this is just part of the process, but unless you have been in this place, it is very hard to truly understand)

We left the apartment a little later today and when we got to the foster home, J was fully awake and had even eaten breakfast.  She was so sleepy and overwhelmed yesterday morning that she didn't eat breakfast at all and only half a crepe (for lunch) by the time we left at 2:30.  She was happy to see us and there were "ćao's" all around and lots of waving and smiles.  She finds it hilarious when Hubby says ćao...of course, that might be because he growls it and makes a silly face. :) 

We took her out for a ride again today but it wasn't nearly as smooth as yesterday.  She got very upset and started crying and flailing.  It was interesting that she still let us put her coat on her.  She screamed the entire time Z was putting her in the car and about half a block down the street.  Then, she just stopped.  It was strange.  I've been around a ton of kids in my life and I've never seen one stop a tantrum like turning off a switch.  She seemed to be more angry with me than anyone as she wouldn't look at me or respond to me.  When we got to our destination, Z was the one to take her out of the car.  As he was working out paying for parking, he handed J to Hubby and she wrapped her arms around his neck again.  A little while later, he gave her to me (I think his arms were numb) and she lost her mind.  I tried to comfort her but she was having none of it.  Hubby put her hands out to her and she almost flew to him and once again, the tantrum stopped.  I am pretty sure that Daddy is completely wrapped around her finger already. 

We saw some really pretty things today....architecture and monuments that remind one of an older time. 

 

 

J seemed to get upset again once we got back to the foster family's house.  I think we have yet another child on our hands that does not deal well with transition.  Thankfully, we have been through that routine twice before. 

 

The foster family provided lunch again today.  Once again, she outdid herself by providing amazing food.  Today was bean soup with sausage and wonderful bread...I wish I knew how to season soup that perfectly!  The foster family's oldest daughter came by to visit today and brought some rolls that she made that kind of looked like these.  They were delicious and once again, I was blessed with leftovers when we left their home.  I swear, if I lived in her house, I think I would gain 20lbs in a month! 

 

Our getting ready to leave once again caused anxiety for J.  The interesting thing is, she knew she was not coming with us.  Part of me wonders if she doesn't want us to go, or maybe that is just wishful thinking.  She is not a fan of a lot of people (crowds) but she seems to be enjoying everyone giving her attention.  I do have to say that it is difficult not giving just as much attention to the other foster daughter.  She is just such a sweet girl and adores our J!  It will be difficult for her once J comes with us. I am thankful that we were able to get a few pictures of her because she was, after all, J's first sibling. 

Tomorrow, we are supposed to bring J with us to the apartment to spend the weekend together.  I'm sure tomorrow will be a stressful day all around.  Everything in her world is about to change!  We adore her and are going to do what we can to make her feel safe, but she is sure to be so scared. :(  Prayers for peace for our sweet girl's heart are greatly appreciated!